bloggrrilla 101, or the chronicles of ugly
New year, new bloggrrilla. or so i hope... Let's see, what's going on? Well, I'm still unemployed for one. This is NOT good. And, I seem to buck the odds, as usual. I graduated in the top 5% of my law skool class (despite my insistence on misspelling "school"). I went to LS on a full scholarship, so I have very few student loans to pay off. Most other folks in this position are employed with big firms or in some cool public interest job. Me? I was just turned down for a paralegal position...
What gives?
Ok. I'm a tad (well perhaps more than a tad) socially inept, read phobic. This characteristic does not lend itself to ease of interview style. In fact, it doesn't lend itself to lawyering at all. It will take a lot of work on myself for me to be a decent lawyer, school is easy for me.
Second, I am constantly in my mind apologizing for being the age I am, and for graduating from a 2nd tier school (TOP second tier, mind you! heheh), even tho my decision to go to the school hinged a lot on the full scholarship, and I actually got in to a couple top 15 schools. Not a great decision in the long run, but as I said, I'm not terribly well educated, wasn't up on the ratings game and didn't know no better. Oh let's be honest, I wanted the scholarship, and the school wooed me like a basketball star. It's also a good school, with a very good regional rep, and had I wanted to live in the midwest, I'd be gainfully employed and sitting pretty.
I need to remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," or something like that. Well I hand my inferiority around like a business card before I open my mouth. "hi there, look down on me please." I do this so automatically in job situations that it is frightening, and of course when I try to cover that feeling, I come off as arrogant and abrupt.
Lastly, I didn't manage to get excited about law, although I have to say that is changing. I recently figured out what I want to do with my degree, or a broad area anyway, and that's good. I don't want to work for big firms and help rich companies, I actually want to work in housing or employment law, helping poor and working people keep their homes and not get screwed on the job. I came by this interest recently, by volunteering in housing court. I like what the pro se attorneys there do, I like it a lot. I want to do some good in the world. REVERSAL! The folk wisdom about law school is that people go in idealistic and come out wanting to work for the biggest firm possible and make a ton of money. I didn't exactly go in to make money (although that possibility wasn't a deterrant), but I came out feeling bored and bleak about big firm law, and yes, dare I say it, more idealistic than when I went in. But then again, I seem to do everything backwards, so there it is.
What gives?
Ok. I'm a tad (well perhaps more than a tad) socially inept, read phobic. This characteristic does not lend itself to ease of interview style. In fact, it doesn't lend itself to lawyering at all. It will take a lot of work on myself for me to be a decent lawyer, school is easy for me.
Second, I am constantly in my mind apologizing for being the age I am, and for graduating from a 2nd tier school (TOP second tier, mind you! heheh), even tho my decision to go to the school hinged a lot on the full scholarship, and I actually got in to a couple top 15 schools. Not a great decision in the long run, but as I said, I'm not terribly well educated, wasn't up on the ratings game and didn't know no better. Oh let's be honest, I wanted the scholarship, and the school wooed me like a basketball star. It's also a good school, with a very good regional rep, and had I wanted to live in the midwest, I'd be gainfully employed and sitting pretty.
I need to remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," or something like that. Well I hand my inferiority around like a business card before I open my mouth. "hi there, look down on me please." I do this so automatically in job situations that it is frightening, and of course when I try to cover that feeling, I come off as arrogant and abrupt.
Lastly, I didn't manage to get excited about law, although I have to say that is changing. I recently figured out what I want to do with my degree, or a broad area anyway, and that's good. I don't want to work for big firms and help rich companies, I actually want to work in housing or employment law, helping poor and working people keep their homes and not get screwed on the job. I came by this interest recently, by volunteering in housing court. I like what the pro se attorneys there do, I like it a lot. I want to do some good in the world. REVERSAL! The folk wisdom about law school is that people go in idealistic and come out wanting to work for the biggest firm possible and make a ton of money. I didn't exactly go in to make money (although that possibility wasn't a deterrant), but I came out feeling bored and bleak about big firm law, and yes, dare I say it, more idealistic than when I went in. But then again, I seem to do everything backwards, so there it is.
posted by abigail at 12:11:00 PM
1 Comments:
Do everything backwards, you say? You wouldn't be TH White's Merlin in "The Once and Future King" would you?
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